Family in Feast and Feria

It's natural for a woman to desire friends. The feminine nature needs nurturing and support. A husband can provide much of this, but there are some conversations and other things of a feminine nature that can never be satisfied except through a bosom buddy, a girl friend, a completely simpatico female. For some women, it can be many friends, for others it's few, and sometimes it's only one. But that friendship is a valuable treasure, worth protecting and cherishing.

As a Catholic wife and mother, there are choices that I have made along the way that narrow the opportunities for nurturing friendships. I don't fit in most secular circles. I find it hard to listen to conversations that bash husbands and the Church, declare the end of childbearing by choice, and many times just insipid or idle chatter that never goes anywhere. I enjoy good food, books, chocolate, nice clothes and feminine frills just as much as any girl, but I can't talk about it ad nauseum. I want examples, witness, ideas, inspiration, books to build up my life as a mother, wife and daughter of God.

So by narrowing my opportunities in the secular side, I turn to the Catholic circles. The choices narrow further, as I know my friends will fit the smaller, more "conservative" side of Catholicism. I am blessed to live in an area with a vibrant Catholic community, with many growing families, striving to be open to life and loving God. It's quite beautiful and inspiring to be a part of the community.

But I'm not always feeling that I quite "fit in." You see, I only have one child. While that is quite acceptable in today's society, it's not exactly the normal thing in good Catholic circles. It's not my choice to only have one. It's been God's blessing to us to send us this one child, and the blessing to not have any more has also been His plan. It is something I have to embrace and accept every day -- God's will for us.

Some days it's oh, so hard. Little get-togethers with moms of larger families can reopen the wound. I ONLY have one. I wouldn't understand how hard it is to raise so many. I have it easy. The stories of repeat pregnancies and childbirths. And then the questions as to why do I only have one? Am I not being open to life? Why do I have such a large house with only one little child?

There are certain things that every mother and wife can share, whether they have one child or many -- advice and stories on life's experiences, so I'm not completely alone. And it's not that I think that my predicament is worse than anyone else. I love big families. I am the oldest of 7, and love my nieces and nephews like they were my own children. The hardships on having many children is physically and mentally (and financially) exhausting. These parents are making huge sacrifices. It's just that my cross is a bit different, and I would love to be able to hash out some of the particulars of my hardships with someone who has been there.

This has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. I've been praying to God to send me a friend. I have a few friends, but not all understand, not all have the time. Besides my sisters, I haven't found the bosom buddy that we can mutually support and understand each other.

I had a glimmer of hope this past Saturday, talking at length with a woman who had experienced some similar hardships. And she was willing to share, and commiserate, and advise and oh, it was marvelous. The sprinkle of water on my parched spirit was wonderful. I didn't realize how empty I felt until I started filling up on the joy.

Perhaps this might be a friendship to nurture? Who knows. But it was a gift, even that little conversation alone. Deo Gratias.

As I mentioned in my previous post, today (July 26) is my nameday. Or rather, my middle nameday. (But it is spelled Ann without an "e").

While looking through some paintings of Saints Anne and Joachim, I was struck by the role St. Anne plays as grandmother. She is pictured many times helping out her daughter, Mary. It's the traditional role of mother and daughter that come into play in these beautiful paintings.

How often is this replayed over and over in families' lives -- the daughter is having a baby, the mother (now a grandmother) comes over to help. Beautiful. I am blessed to have a mother who did (and does) just that. Her generosity doesn't end after two weeks postpartum...she manages to always be there to help out her daughter or son in need (and there are seven of us).

What a wonderful ministry that St. Anne could fulfill, taking care of her grandson, the Messiah, and what a great example. Caring for my child doesn't end when he leaves the nest and starts his own family. It just readjusts.

And what a special place in the grandchild's heart there is for their grandmother!

These are just a few examples of St. Anne with the Mary and Jesus or the Holy Family. See Web Gallery of Art for more information and other paintings. Click on the image for a larger view:

UNKNOWN MASTER, Hungarian: Saint Anne with the Virgin and the Child, c. 1520


MASACCIO: The Madonna and Child with Saint Anne, 1424


SARACENI, Carlo: Madonna and Child with St Anne, 1610


CLAEISSENS, Antoon: Virgin and Child with St Anne


DÜRER, Albrecht: St Anne with the Virgin and Child, 1519


GRECO, El: Holy Family with St Anne, 1600s


LEONARDO da Vinci: The Virgin and Child with St Anne, c. 1510


UNKNOWN MASTER, Flemish: Virgin and Child with St Anne, 1490s

Today is the feast of Saints Anne and Joachim, parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and grandparents of Jesus.

My middle name is Anne, so happy feast day to me! For more information on this feast day see Catholic Culture and Patron Saints Index for St. Anne and St. Joachim.

The Office of Readings for today for the second reading is a sermon by Saint John Damascene, bishop. Below is a small excerpt:

And so rejoice, Ann, that you were sterile and have not borne children; break forth into shouts, you have not given birth.

Years a dear priest friend spoke on this reading. He holds very dear in his prayers and heart those who have suffered infertility and losses to miscarriage. He pointed out what a turn of attitude this passage contains-- to REJOICE that you had no child. Despite the fact that St. Ann became a mother late in life, the rejoicing is not in the that miracle, but rejoicing in her infertility, the cross she bore so many years. It is a hard cross to bear, and Anne and Joachim knew it very well. Even though there is deep pain, it is a blessing from God. Let this be a reminder to me that God gives us an individually tailored plan to our joys and sufferings, and I need to embrace it every day.

Take a peek at the series of frescoes by Giotto Scenes from the Life of Joachim -- absolutely gorgeous, and great food for discussion on the lives of these saints. The frescoes are based on legends and tradition of the grandparents of Jesus. Some information can be found in the account of the Nativity of Mary from The Golden Legend by Jacobus de Voragine.

Today would have been Joshua Schmiedicke's 5th birthday. Check out the expanded website about Joshua, with the wonderful pictures, eulogy and other information. Remember his family in your prayers...ask the parents of Mary to console his parents especially on this day.