Family in Feast and Feria

It's natural for a woman to desire friends. The feminine nature needs nurturing and support. A husband can provide much of this, but there are some conversations and other things of a feminine nature that can never be satisfied except through a bosom buddy, a girl friend, a completely simpatico female. For some women, it can be many friends, for others it's few, and sometimes it's only one. But that friendship is a valuable treasure, worth protecting and cherishing.

As a Catholic wife and mother, there are choices that I have made along the way that narrow the opportunities for nurturing friendships. I don't fit in most secular circles. I find it hard to listen to conversations that bash husbands and the Church, declare the end of childbearing by choice, and many times just insipid or idle chatter that never goes anywhere. I enjoy good food, books, chocolate, nice clothes and feminine frills just as much as any girl, but I can't talk about it ad nauseum. I want examples, witness, ideas, inspiration, books to build up my life as a mother, wife and daughter of God.

So by narrowing my opportunities in the secular side, I turn to the Catholic circles. The choices narrow further, as I know my friends will fit the smaller, more "conservative" side of Catholicism. I am blessed to live in an area with a vibrant Catholic community, with many growing families, striving to be open to life and loving God. It's quite beautiful and inspiring to be a part of the community.

But I'm not always feeling that I quite "fit in." You see, I only have one child. While that is quite acceptable in today's society, it's not exactly the normal thing in good Catholic circles. It's not my choice to only have one. It's been God's blessing to us to send us this one child, and the blessing to not have any more has also been His plan. It is something I have to embrace and accept every day -- God's will for us.

Some days it's oh, so hard. Little get-togethers with moms of larger families can reopen the wound. I ONLY have one. I wouldn't understand how hard it is to raise so many. I have it easy. The stories of repeat pregnancies and childbirths. And then the questions as to why do I only have one? Am I not being open to life? Why do I have such a large house with only one little child?

There are certain things that every mother and wife can share, whether they have one child or many -- advice and stories on life's experiences, so I'm not completely alone. And it's not that I think that my predicament is worse than anyone else. I love big families. I am the oldest of 7, and love my nieces and nephews like they were my own children. The hardships on having many children is physically and mentally (and financially) exhausting. These parents are making huge sacrifices. It's just that my cross is a bit different, and I would love to be able to hash out some of the particulars of my hardships with someone who has been there.

This has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. I've been praying to God to send me a friend. I have a few friends, but not all understand, not all have the time. Besides my sisters, I haven't found the bosom buddy that we can mutually support and understand each other.

I had a glimmer of hope this past Saturday, talking at length with a woman who had experienced some similar hardships. And she was willing to share, and commiserate, and advise and oh, it was marvelous. The sprinkle of water on my parched spirit was wonderful. I didn't realize how empty I felt until I started filling up on the joy.

Perhaps this might be a friendship to nurture? Who knows. But it was a gift, even that little conversation alone. Deo Gratias.